so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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