had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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