Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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