I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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