i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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