I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
My nipple is on Facebook.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
