So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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