just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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