I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
People with herpes should wear stickers.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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