I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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