dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
