guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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