Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
