didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
