I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
