i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
