wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
