I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
