i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize