if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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