Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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