im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
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