We're like a lot better than the average bears
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
