I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
