i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
