So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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