when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
