It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
