I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize