Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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