nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize