I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Randomize
