I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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