I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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