Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
