he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
