There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
