Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
