It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
You are a genius and a whore.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize