I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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