I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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