i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
