Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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