Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
We need to get me chipped asap
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
