So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
