this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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