I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize