Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Randomize
