not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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