I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize