i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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