im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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