its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
