Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
It was like getting head from an anaconda
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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