the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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