so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
