Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
