It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
