I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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