So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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