Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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