I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
