How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
