She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
i think my cat just said my name.
I just want to make out with him forever
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Randomize
