Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
